I found this looking through a journal Sarah and I kept on our cross country tour in the Summer of ’03:

      Well, here we are on the Oregon Coast–Port Orford to be specific.  Sitting ou on the beach watching the water splash off of the rocks that seem to define the West Coast.  Only a few short days out here on the left side, with a Monday night Harris’ visit on the menu, then we’ll be East bound.

      I’ve been thinking a lot about Education lately.  Trying to figure out philosophies and purposes for my profession.  Somehow that has led me to another thought train:  Emotion.

   The deep kind of emotion.  Like the love a husband has for his wife.  Or the joy that comes from having a role in the creation of life.  But I guess my focus and my questions lie on the other end of the spectrum.  How does a father feel when his child has severe disabilities?  What is it like when a sibling dies–especially earlier than expected?  your wife?  your mother?  your child?  And yet even if one or a few of these things brought me to despair, I still wouldn’t know suffering completely.  The mothers in teh so-called Holy Land deal with ultimate loss every day….  Pain and Suffering;  destruction and despair…. These are experienced by all in some form (certainly some much more than others.)

Why did HE suffer?  for the same reasons we do?  Is it Sin that brings us this torment?  Is it our Nature?  Is it nature itself?  Are we closer to Him when we suffer?  If so should I relish that anguish?  The comfort is supposed to come in that the suffering is only temporary.  That despite all the Darkness His light shines on.  So then, is pain and suffering really comfort and joy?  (If so what is comfort and ease?)

Whatever the reasons, to know these emotions, both Torment and Triumph is to know humanity.  Perhaps education begins here.  I will never understand or agree with some cultures.  I have my philosophy on government and economics.  I believe in structure and values.  (Though I struggle to stay within the mold laid out.)  But unless and until I can look beyond my politics and my ideas and value people as Life then I cannot educate, because I cannot be educated. 

I’ve pretty much gone full circle now, and really haven’t gotten anywhere.  But I’m still by the sea in Oregon.  And it is still Beautiful.  Ahh now there’s a concept to get the wheels turning.  Junior, your daddy is nuts.

                                                                                                                                                         –D

Or how I found life on the left side of a couch in the basement

To the brotherhood

No Jew nor Greek nor slave nor free.  The phrase in my head is to say that “I will never be able to express my thanksgiving or my joy at the relationships that we have developed in the service of the King over the past few years.”   However, after first entertaining that thought I know it not to be true.  I know that even now you have some sense of the thanksgiving and joy that I feel.  And more than that once our groans for creation and gloriously transformed into praising our God and King thanks to the Lamb who is Jesus, then we will share in eternal thanksgiving and joy for each other and for all of our brothers and sisters and all of creation.  Praise be to the God and Father who will restore and recreate what he saw as good from ther very beginning.  Praise be to Him who has allowed us to meet and grow together and learn the depths of his glorious riches.  Thank you guys for allowing me to wallow in my own self pity, to share the depths of my fears and failures and to cry and shout in triumph at overcoming obstacles of many kinds.  I have by no means reached the goal.  But we do press on together.  And even if I were absent in the body I know that you will carry on with this magnificent service of the Kingdom and the Lord Jesus that he has blessed us with.  I have long had the fear of leaving my wife and kids behind.  There will no doubt be great sadness and suffering for them which is hard for me to bear.  But I rest easier knowing that our community is strong and dedicated.

To the sisterhood

Women.  Not the same as men.  I am so thankful that over these past few years and especially, it seems, over the past few months that you guys have begun to form bonds with each other that are everlasting.  I am so thankful to those of you who love my wife so dearly.  I am so thankful to be able to grow as husbands and fathers and as men in the company of women who are working hard to reject the false paradigm that the world has offered and are seeking instead to find worth and glory in the One who is.  I am so thankful that our flock of children at BRCC have such wonderful mothers who raise them to think first of Jesus Christ and then to think of others before themselves.

To my family

I have expressed it a few times, but I wanted to say it again that I have been so blessed to have a supportive family.  Mom and Dad, you guys stuck with me even when I was making stupid decisions.  Multiple times.  You have always provided me with the foundation to learn and to seek the Truth.  Your unwavering dedication to us has been evident and pervasive in my life.  Josh,  you are a strong tower my friend.  Your intellect is rivaled by few in my experience and your compassion for those who often find themselves on the outside has provided me with a fresh challenge and example as I work out my salvation.  I am so glad that you and Ellen have lived in love for so many years and that Phelps, Foster and Zella have grown to be lively and entertaining and thoughtful.  Jodi, we’ve been through the fire together.  It brings me so much joy to think of how the Lord brought such a fine man and such a beautiful daughter into your life.  I look forward to seeing LJ grow and become a cute little toddler girl and then a vibrant and hilarious young woman—just like her mother.

To my colleagues

These past several years have been truly wonderful.  How could I have asked for more than to be able to wake up each morning and teach young people.  I rarely, if ever, feel like I am going to work.  I have a vocation, and more than that I get to work with people that I genuinely like and care about.  From spitting out my food when Hastings sits down to complaining about the status quo to History grant trips to talking about the finer and deeper things of life, I truly could not imagine a better group of social studies teachers to work with.

To my students past and present

I remember that first group.  I remember not knowing a whole lot about the practice of teaching and I remember playing Risk in AP Gov.  I remember the conversation almost like it was yesterday with Monica about GWU.  I remember the day McGrew gave me his cadet pin—still have it flying on the Don’t Tread on Me flag in my classroom.  I remember relationships that I developed with Holly and Brit and Phil and Stem and Bryan and…. I’m so thankful that those relationships have persevered even to this day.  Bubble up.  Im thankful for all of the faces that have walked into and out of my classroom.  For the tough ones and the not so tough.  I hope that somehow you were able to detect in my enthusiasm for learning and for life a higher purpose.  I hope that you will continue to seek life and love and not simply settle for the goods that the world offers.  I know that you will.

To Isaac

Your face lights up a room and it lights up my heart.  Almost two. Wow.  I hope that you learn from and love your sister and brother all of your life.  I hope that you learn to follow the Lamb from early on in your life.

To Sydney

To my sweet, beautiful princess.  I am so thankful that the Lord sent the doctor in early to save you my love.  You are able to make me laugh with your crazy eyes and your hearty laugh.  I love the way you lave your brothers and how much you like to serve.  I’m glad that you have a best friend in Liza.  I pray that you will seek the Father to rescue you just as Sam did.  I will always love you! No matter what!  What?  J

To Samuel

My buddy.  I always tell you that I love you no matter what. I want you to know that over and over and also to know that no matter what happens in this age that we will be together forever and ever in the age to come.  My heart was filled with joy when I heard you say that you asked God to rescue you.  I am so thankful for how much I learned from you this summer when you had to wear your pirate patch.  I cannot possibly express in words how I feel when you get so passionate about playing games or watching movies.  Or how you lay your head on my leg. Or how you are the first one willing to help someone else out when you think they need it.  Or how you have learned at such a young age what it means to love others more than yourself.  Keep following the Lord my boy.  Keep living the way that you are living now.  We will worship Jesus together and live and love each other forever in the new world.

To my bride.

In a sense I know I don’t even have to fill this space, because I know you know how I feel.  As Shaun says in Good Will Hunting I will never regret even one second that I get to spend with you.  To think of how we’ve grown in these ten years is staggering.  You are patient and kind. You keep no record of wrongs.  You rejoice in the truth.  You are beautiful and I am beyond grateful that the Lord saw fit to bring us together at GWU and to make the home that we have together.  I hope that we continue to grow in depth and love.

The things i remember… playing frisbee golf around the college, “B-17 bomber“, playing jeopardy and trivial pursuit–and ya’ll letting me play even though i was still a pup–, that baseball game where you had to pick out the players with the colored sheets–that was one of my favorite games–, the nfl game where you had to use the vcr to see what play you got was pretty good too.  I remember that time you had your leg in a cast for weeks after you tried to stretch out a gapper into 3 bags.  Little league baseball and basketball.  we were good.  I remember how your blue car could be heard a few minutes before it would actually get home. haha.  Magic 96.1 and the Kingsmen and the Oak Ridge Boys while driving down to Gaffney. backyard wiffle ball and running routes with you and josh out near mr. washburn’s house.

I just wanted to say thank you for all the things that I’ve learned from you over the past few decades.  Thanks for showing me that it’s ok to be smart.  and to strive to be smart.  Thanks for showing me that you can’t take yourself too seriously.  Thanks for being a servant.

My good buddy Tom thinks that some of the things we do during this life will somehow be used by the Father to help construct the renewed, redeemed heaven and earth.  If that’s the case then I can think of a few things that would make solid foundations.  You’ll never know how much it meant and means to me that you would decline a promotion to be chief, because you’d rather still work the 3rd shift so that you could come to my baseball practices.  Not so that you could rant and rave or fill my head with delusions like so many fathers, but just so that you could be there.  It’s also always impressed me how positive of a reaction you get from the GW students.  black, white, male, female, athletes, nerds, it never matters.  There’s ol’ Larry they might say.  And that “ol’ Larry” carries with it a ton of meaning.  A ton of respect.

You have rarely missed work or complained about work.  Through the good times and the not as good, you have always loved mama and us.  You don’t covet money and you don’t mind spending it on other people.  And now… you get to influence my kids, too.  I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way.  Almost squandered my name, my opportunities, my upbringing.  But your love and devotion has never wavered.  I am a child of the King, and I owe a great deal of what I have learned about what that really means from your example and your study.  That’s one aspect of the great command to “remember who you are.”  Another identity that I am so grateful to have is that of your boy.

I love you Pa,

Dan’l

For now, I just urge you to check out these two books. the first one and the follow up.  They are more than entertaining.  These works provide insight into what it is to live on the outstretches of humanity in the midst of a civil war for the culture of their land.  There is much to be learned from the perspective gained by reading Dr. Greg.…

peace. pray for haiti.

dt

Last night watching the always entertaining Holiday Bowl, the Oregon Duck–the mascot–got some 15 seconds of airtime before a commercial. Well my baby girl, Sydney, loves “the guy”. Any mascot is “the guy.” The duck had his arms crossed as any G Duck would and was nodding his head. Finally he pointed at the camera. Sydney’s immediate reaction was to say “me?”.

In Psychology this would be a good example of egocentrism. Young children have no concept that they are not the only minds in existence. To Sydney, there was no question the Duck was pointing only to her.

Now, I’m a man, I’m 30, but too often I still am plagued by that same notion that the world revolves around me. I hope that in 2009 I can look more to others needs and desires than to my own.

Enjoy your 4th.

dt

But it was his discourse about Christian pacifism that sparked the most post conversation debate.  While eating Mac’s Barbecue–and Shelbyians forgive me for blasphemy–which is better than Bridges, at a picnic at the park afterwards, my thoughtful and devoted mother in law asked me a couple of questions she had on her mind. She was working through the ramifications of pacifism.  The question is what do we do when we’re attacked?  Or more specifically how would we be the free country that we are if we did not fight and sacrifice blood and treasure to maintain that freedom?  A poignant question this time of year for sure.  

I certainly don’t know much about the doctrine of pacifism, especially as espoused by Hauerwas.  I have heard that he calls questions such as this “quandary ethics” and he doesn’t really deal with what ifs.  If that’s the case–and I hope it’s more complicated than that–then that seems pretty weak.  Abstract ideas are great, but we do live in the real world.  But I digress…

The way that I think I would answer the question now, is that maybe freedom isn’t what we think it is.  We often magnify the fact that the Pharisees et al, got it all wrong in the 1st century.  They were looking for a messiah who displayed political and military power.  We accept and pronounce the fact that they weren’t looking for the right kind of messiah.  We trumpet the sacrifice and humility of our Lord Jesus.  So maybe we are just as misguided as the masses were 2000 years ago. Maybe political power and military might… maybe freedom and liberty in political terms are not what we should long for.  This is easy for me to say given the fact that I am in this wonderful country, but perhaps we should not sacrifice the principles and Truth taught to us in the Sermon on the Mount and through the life of Jesus of Nazareth for comfort and ease.  

Churches in China and India and other places that are under severe persecution are growing at astounding and miraculous rates.  That is the story of the first churches as well.  How many times does Paul write about being in jail?  How many of the early church fathers were martyred for their faith?  I don’t pray for persecution… or I don’t want to pray for it anyway.  But Jesus says time and time again that if we follow him we will face persecution.  He says that we must bear our crosses.  

Much more to explore in part two…

dt

We met on philosophical terms 

Matchmaker of sorts – Dr. C.  Chaperone – Angela Toole

You threw marshmallows at me and I told you stories 

We danced at Homecoming (but only after you danced with Becca and Michelle, my eyes cut jealously in your direction)

I needed a sleeping bag and you were gracious enough to lend one

And then we started to swing and talk and throw bark and watch nonexistent meteors

and kiss

I heard about your friends, you about mine

I met your family, you met mine

You told me about your band, I told you about India

We talked about liking kids

We shared Truth and shared a longing to know God

And I suppose we found something of ourselves in each other

Summer meant time apart – absence that bred deeper fondness – and meant

watching the Cosby Show alone

Back at school meant time together

Gas station roses, surprises, you washing my feet at the river

And lots of butterflies and giddiness

(You tried to jump and run, but I was way too fast for you)

And somewhere along the way, we decided to do it ALL together

Out of all the people in the world, we knew that we would be our best selves together

Or maybe we couldn’t really see that far past our noses,

But our Creator and Sustainer helped us to find one another

so that we could help each other find Him

And after swinging and friends, chai and the hole, Cracker Barrel and a play and dancing

You asked me

And I said yes

We planned a wedding – one that fit us perfectly.  We promised to always work it out, hug and kiss, help each other know Jesus

Then we went out west, stayed in a beautiful yurt, ate well, and laid together happily.

We lived in Mooresboro in a very great house (with not so great neighbors)

and enjoyed time together, frozen pizza, Apollo and Elimidate, and our own beds

I played with my friends and finished school

you cleaned the house while listening to Rush

we had friends over and we worked at a church

Then we moved to Stateville because you graciously suggested

that we live with my Mom while Dad was in Afghanistan

So we worked at SCS and loved teaching and leading

We were in our element – loved what we were doing

Loved who we were teaching

Then I got pregnant with Sam and we went out West before telling anyone

And we had the best time

Bugs in Iowa, camping by the White River and leaving our stove in the Badlands

Seeing battlefields, driving from one side of Yellowstone to the other just to see a moose

Going to the Sun Road, putt putt with a view, buffalo burgers

Crazy people of Washington State, beautiful Hwy 1, too much steak at Harris’

Grand Canyon, driving in torrential rain (and going ever-so-slightly nuts)

Heading home to tell the fam

And Sam surprised us at the beach

So I stayed home and went (ever-so-slightly) nuts

But we loved him more than life

And decided to head back to BS for some more schooling and a change of scenery

Got a great house from good friends and started teaching and going to school

Lots of drives to Statesville (well worth it)

And lots of meals cooked by Pop and bat-and-ball in the yard with Nana

Jobs that always come at the right time for me

Just a good couple of years, wouldn’t you say?

L-i-v-i-n

And we decided that there’s nothing better we can do in life than have babies

And teach them about Jesus and make them kind

So we had Sydney who is beautiful and sweet and makes you smile when you look at her

And then some more plain ol’ livin

With a lot of concerts and brunches at the Snack Shop and husband and wife getaways and baseball games and trips to the river and times with friends and work and home

And I just don’t think life gets any better than this.

Although I suppose it must because it seems to get better for us every day.

And it’s only been seven years…

I am saddened to hear the story that he has been diagnosed with cancer.  It is a sad condition for any human, he just happens to be in the spotlight more than others.  I wonder how those on the “right” would handle this story.  They’ve done well to stay silent I suppose.  It’s just that the necessary logical end to Jeff Katz’–WBT’s latest 3-6pm Republican mouthpiece–and others who are similar, is that it would be best if Kennedy were gone.  That’s what’s so wrong with our political discourse in this era of constant news.  The other side gets labeled an enemy.  Barack Obama is seen as “dangerous” and “scary”…. And what do they advocate we do with our enemies?  Kill them.  

So when a man such as Kennedy gets cancer, do they back off?  Do they begin to calm down their rhetoric?  Do they admit that it is all a bunch of ratings driven, polarization aimed at keeping the American people stupid and pissed off at the other side?  

I hope so.  

Godspeed Mr. Kennedy. 

dt